Loud House Stories by Crossoverpairinglover
by Crossoverpairinglover
Summary: The home of any and all drabbles, oneshots, shorts, and similar bit of Loud House fanfiction of mine. Despite my name there will probably not be major crossovers in it for pairings or otherwise. There will be alternate universes, fixes to parts of the canon I dislike, some pot shots at bad fanon trends, some reality, and Loud Sibling interactions.
1. The Alternate Saga Episode 1

You know, I need to clear my head of some clutter if I want to get my main story done. This is where I'll be putting any and all Loud House clutter in the meantime.

All in this series of one shots take place in the same universe, or a related one. Some oneshots will continue on major themes in previous ones, others on minor themes, a few on entirely new ones.

If you have any feedback leave a review.

* * *

Loud House was quiet.

Through it's halls not a floorboard creaked. A stair did not thump, a door did not swing, and the sound of broken things did not ring.

The reason for this: a greatly reduced occupancy.

And of the two who were here, one wasn't working with chemicals at the moment.

Thus a lack of explosions.

"...I see. Hmmm...fascinating."

Lincoln looked on as his second youngest, yet smartest, sister's computer was doing...something, trying not to be worried.

It was odd enough earlier today when Lisa had requested some of his video games, particularly his older ones.

She was not exactly social, and she was not the highest on the video game liking totem pole in the family. She wasn't Lori (who was surprisingly good with fighting games) or Luna (who liked the Guitar Hero series and video game soundtracks more than actual games). But like any sibling in this family, he was willing to give hand me downs.

He was caught off guard when she told him to not bring the console up with the games, she had apparently just wanted the games.

"I must thank you for your assistance. I admit I had a curious surge of interest in program design, and your digital forms of entertainment are excellent samples and it would appear my fears about damaging the discs or their coding in the process was unfounded. These games will still be functional."

Lincoln appreciated the fact that Lisa didn't ask for his newer games in that case given family budget issues, but he still was a bit worried about something.

"Is what you are doing legal?"

Lisa's shrug did not make him any less wary of the NSA or something suddenly breaking into their house and sending them to a dark prison somewhere.

"I'm 4 years old Lincoln, I can't go to prison."

Lincoln tried to not be worried about how confidently she said that. The question of if he would be safe from prison did briefly pop up in his head though.

"So...what do you plan on using game code for?" Lisa wasn't going to create her own games, was she? That seemed rather out of character for her, though then again the emergency bribe he had for his darkest sister was a Princess Pony Omnibus so his sister's had the oddest habit of surprising you with their interests.

"Nothing involving the actual games themselves. I have no need for the colors and characters and dialogue. I care for what is underneath it all." Lisa explained as Lincoln thought of the best way to approximate what she was going for to avoid too much technobabble.

Not the easiest thing: for all that Lisa was refreshingly blunt and open about her feelings, unlike her older sisters, there were other issues with disconnect between them beyond the intellect gap.

There were two sisters that people had asked/snarked about what spectrum they were on, and Lisa was one of them.

"So, you could care less about the make and look of a car, but you care a lot about the engine and how it functions?"

"A accurate enough analogy." Lisa nodded, the technobabble report showing a reduced chance of him having to see if they had gotten a new dictionary after Lynn destroyed their last one.

They still weren't sure how she had accomplished it, or how golf had been involved. The death of the family dictionary was a sibling secret of course, though finding a replacement was proving more difficult than necessary.

Parents could pay attention at the worst times.

"I'll admit this is a project that isn't necessarily fulfilling on my end, but I needed this. I've hit a bit of a block, and getting a small project done is satisfying." Lisa admitted.

"A block?" Lincoln inquired. He knew that Luna had issues with music blocks that were nearly as bad to deal with as Luan with her pranking blocks. It left them in bad moods for days, mostly at themselves.

Somehow that bothered him more than when they had a bad mood and took it out on everyone 100%.

"Yes, a block. Several of my recent attempts at innovation and advancement have stalled out for reasons I cannot determine. My formula for a improved household sound dampening compound to better block out the snoring of Lynn and Lucy keeps turning into a gas, my improved weather sensors can't surpass the hour mark for perfect accuracy, and then there is my universal transporter."

Lincoln paled as Lisa mentioned that last one. The watch...it hadn't been a dream!?

There was actually a universe where he had 10 psychotic brothers who acted like Lynn if she was written by bad fanfiction writers!?

Lisa hopped off from her monitor and tapped the side of a wall, which spun around to reveal a metallic arch-way, gleaming like polished silver. A monitor to the side displayed static like a broken television connection.

Very much not a watch. Thankfully that incident had just been a dream.

"Yes, my poor, poor universal transporter."

"...What's wrong with it?" Lincoln questioned, looking at the gate nervously.

The fear that if he got too close it would suddenly work and suck him into a reality worse than his dream wouldn't leave him.

"Remember the issue Lori had with connecting her phone to the network following our change in provider?" Lincoln shivered at the memory as she nodded in acknowledgement.

"You do. Well, it's a lot like that. My transporter can't seem to pick up a signal, though unlike Lori I am unsure the cause of it. Am I just using the wrong signal, the wrong receiver, or is there just nothing to receive the call?"

"Deep." Lincoln voiced, still uneasy after remembering Lori's reaction to 10 days her phone couldn't send calls, texts, videos, or access the internet. It had been a good test run for his anti-April Fools day prep, as well as his in process anti-fight protocol prep.

"...Yes, quite. It's akin to what I am told of the frustrations of those who try to communicate with intelligent life beyond our solar system."

Before Lincoln could bring up his own thoughts on aliens, and possibly enjoy a new vector of shared sibling interest that he hadn't managed since comic book movies became more popular and his sister's discovered that superheroes without shirts were good looking on the big screen, the machine suddenly began humming.

Before either Lincoln could ask what was going on, or Lisa to exclaim something, a massive explosion of energy sent both of them flying back.

Lisa hit a pillow that had slumped against the wall, while Lincoln found himself hitting a pile of Lily's baby toys.

His vision soon became blocked by plastic and dried drool.

...

The burst of light was among the most intense Lisa had born witness to since that time she had first experimented with the concept of other universes and dimensions.

That experiment had left Lincoln inexplicably talking to nothing for a while. Her sisters had been very displeased at her for that.

The lack of success she had been having made her briefly consider if her device had, as opposed to her original theory of giving Lincoln some awareness of a different level of existence where people existed and talking to them, just caused her brother a brief level of madness. That had been what her sisters feared she had done, and she couldn't necessarily dismiss she had done something permanent to her brother's mind.

The light blinded her for a moment even with her glasses, and as her vision cleared she noticed something had changed.

"Like huh?"

Leni was now in her room, looking confused.

That was rather normal, though Lisa couldn't help but be perplexed at just how Leni had ended up here.

Her universe transporter should not have malfunctioned into some teleportation device tied into her second eldest sister's DNA. She was still waiting on a few developments before she could ever set up such a system, hopefully without her brother hitting too many walls in the interim.

Or before the desire send Lynn to Connecticut if she ever played basketball in her lab again flared up again in herself.

Leni turned around and bent over a bit as she looked at her transporter, a bending that Lisa was sure would be pleasing to a male older than her brother but with Lisa only made the genius want to tell Leni to not touch her device.

However Lisa's response was silenced by two things: first her gaze briefly going down to Leni's feet, where her gaze was drawn down with more detail when she noticed that her sandal clad feet had something that Lisa had long observed Leni would never have in the form of socks.

According to Lincoln she literally had nightmares about such a ensemble. How such a night terror worked was beyond Lisa.

Two was what Leni was muttering.

"Hmmm, this doesn't look right..."

Lisa was stunned speechless at the comment.

Leni said something of hers, did not look right.

Not her clothing, but one of her inventions.

...Lisa now had context for why Luna reacted badly to negative commentary on her cacophonies now. This empathy was going to be annoying when it affected her ability to be annoyed at said cacophonies.

But Luna was not here right now, Leni was. And she was...

"Got it!"

Removing a panel on her machine and reaching into the wiring. The sound of snapping cables followed.

"Get your hand out of there...!" Lisa snapped as the static on the monitor vanished, being replaced with the image of some purple clad hooligan playing guitar in a manner quite akin to Luna. Thankfully it was muted.

"There! Like, I knew something felt off about it. Now it'll work!" Leni declared, before turning around as if only now realizing Lisa was there.

"B...b...b..."

"Oh Lisa, there you are. I was wondering where you got off to. Did you do something new with the lab?"

Confusion continued to affect Lisa's mental state at that comment.

What?

"I mean, why do you have all of Lily's stuff in here? Are you doing some sort of experiment with her again? You know Lori doesn't like it when you do that."

Leni was dumb. That was a well established fact of life, a constant in the Loud House akin to Luan's desire for comedy. However she should not be this unaware of things.

The sound of disturbed toys spilling out signaled her brother emerging from Lily's toy pile, looking groggy and confused. The later would undoutably increase upon him noticing the oddness of Leni's behavior, though she noticed his eyes briefly go towards the active monitor of her transporter, note the rocker on it, and look visibly uneasy.

As if he had the guy harass him in the past. Odd how this had not been registered by their sisters and not dealt with via a violent mass assault. They'd have to arrange that.

"...Oh, you."

More odd at the moment was the dismissive tone she took the moment he emerged. Her brother was confused as to why the sister she calculated to have the third best relationship with him (after Luna and Lucy, though Lisa hadn't the ability to factor in Lily during her calculations) behaved as such, even as she turned her back to him and moved to walk the other way from him.

 _THUD!_

However a Lily toy instead caused the teen to trip, landing with a harsh sounding thump.

"Leni!"

...

5 minutes later found Leni lying on the couch downstairs, a icepack on the bump on her head and a worried Lincoln looking over her.

To his side was Lisa, who was lifting up the side of her sock and looking at her ankles (or whatever you called the parts of a leg covered by ankle socks).

"Fascinating."

"Um, yes, it is rare that Leni wears socks, and I don't recognize the brand she's wearing so that's also rather odd." Lincoln wasn't sure what she was getting at, or why he knew so much about socks.

Which sister was at fault for that facet of his knowledge? It was either Lori or Lynn...

"The socks and their maker are not what I am referring to. No, this Leni has a scar on her left ankle."

"She does?" Lincoln questioned. He liked to think he'd notice such things, but he didn't make a habit of routinely staring at his sister's feet. Somehow he figured that would be creepy.

"No, she doesn't." Lisa stated.

"The scar isn't fresh either, it has healed and been healed for some time. Clearly something here is different."

"So, she's a different Leni?" Lincoln confirmed as Lisa nodded.

"As odd as it is to say, yes. It would appear that my Universal Transporter is quite functional." Lisa declared. She seemed proud at the fact.

"Wait, I thought that you said it didn't work? So what made it work?"

Lisa glared at him for his point, but he was spared her response by Leni stirring.

She reached for her head, but her reaching hand did a double take when she felt the ice pack covering her bruised head. Her eyes shot open as she looked around.

"How...how did I get here? And why does my head hurt?"

"You fell and bumped your head." Lincoln explained as she turned to look at him, a confused look on her face.

It wasn't the usual confused Leni look, nor was it a 'I fell' look. It was a different sort of confusion.

"I carried you down and got that ice on your head. I'd have gotten you some Tylenol or something else for headaches, but we seem to be out." Lincoln continued as Leni looked at him in shock.

"...Why?" She asked as Lincoln looked at her in confusion.

"Why what?"

Leni continued to look at him in confusion as Lisa stepped forward.

"I take it that you are being bewildered by Lincoln being nice. Is that odd to you?"

Leni looked at Lisa like she had just been told that plad was on the rage and jeans were out of style.

"Odd. Lisa, you totally know that's completely abnormal. Lincoln being nice is impossible. Not even you blasting him with that morality machine fixed it." Leni declared as Lincoln looked at her in shock.

What was this alternate Leni saying?

"I have never built such a machine." Lisa declared as Leni stood up, looking worried for Lisa, but immediately stumbled. Lincoln immediately darted to her side, holding her right side up.

Leni again looked at Lincoln in shock, surprised at him for doing so, even as her eyes wandered and rested on the family trophy case.

She left his side and walked towards it, eyeing it in surprise.

"...Trophies?" She mouthed as Lisa walked over to her, Lincoln a step ahead of her.

"Yes, rewards to our various achievements. Two for Luna's musical exploits, two for Lynn's athletic achievements, one for Lola's pageantry wins, one for Lily that was earned quite by accident, and my own Junior Nobel Peace Prize, a second of which is being shipped my way. Our father's trophy for winning a dancing contest is also present, though he cared more about a since destroyed disco ball than the trophy itself. The empty space was originally occupied by a honorary trophy gifted to Lincoln after he worked to amend a mistake of his, but Charles the dog has since chewed it up." Lisa explained as Leni took a nervous step back.

"This is wrong. The'd never show these things off. They don't care."

Don't care about what? In her world was Lynn the humble sister? Did Lola donate her winnings to charity?

"Perhaps in your world, but in our world that is not the case." Lisa declared as Leni's eyes widened.

"Oh...I get it." She said in a tone of 'oh now I understand'. A tone that was unique to his second oldest sister, and it was refreshing to hear after a good 5+ minutes of her acting so oddly around him.

"I take it you built your own Universal Transporter then. Obviously if you could patch up my own you must be well versed in them." Lisa inquired as Leni shook her head.

"Nope. Yours just looked off so I fixed it."

Lisa gaped, her mouth moving in a manner that made him want to check if Lucy managed to rise Goldie from the dead and if Lisa was channeling the lost pet.

"Actually come to think of it, I can sort of see what might have happened. I was working on a transceiver for signals that I suppose could have picked up your machine's signals. I might have crisscrossed some wires..."

"That doesn't make any sense." Lisa declared.

"You can't just make a mishap in wiring something and manage to connect it with..."

"You just need to cross them the right way Lisa." Leni explained in a manner that made Lincoln suspect that in her home universe was often used.

Lisa continued her goldfish channeling as Leni turned to him, an awkward smile his way. He had the oddest feeling she was not used to smiling in his direction.

"So Lincoln...mind if I see more of this alternate house? I'm curious."

...

"Well, this is my room for starters. It's not much..."

"It's the old closet." Leni noted as she entered it, holding up his Muscle Fish toy as if she wasn't used to it. A universe without Muscle Fish?

"Sure, but it's not too bad. It's roomy enough for me, and I don't have to share with a roommate. The walls aren't as thick, but in this house that's not really a loss because all of them are thin as..."

"Lily should be in here."

Leni's statement caught Lincoln off guard.

"Um, she shares her room with Lisa, whose over there." Lincoln pointed over towards their room. Their larger, science room of baby things and science.

"...In your world maybe. In mine, she sleeps in here." Leni noted quietly.

"So, do I share a room with someone? I had a dream once I shared with Lucy and Lynn, but they were guys and real..."

"Oh you have your own room."

"...Do we have an extra room? Do I sleep in the attic?"

"Nope." the Leni noted, before pointing down towards the room that Lori and his Leni used.

"That's your room."

"I get it all to myself?" Lincoln's question was met with a nod from Leni that was not enthusiastic.

"Entirely to yourself."

There was something about how Leni said that phrase that worried him, something about the tone she used that made him uneasy, but he'd avoid it for now.

"That's where you and Lori sleep here." Okay, so he had his own room, and Lily had his closet.

In Leni's world that left nine sisters and four rooms. That was a recipe for problems in any universe, be the Leni from it capable of inter-universe travel or a rabbit.

"Me and Lori? We actually changed rooms around when Lily was born. Lori wanted to keep a closer eye on Lily so she swapped with Lynn. She and Luan were having space issues so she moved in with me and Luna for the overall larger room, Lucy then swapped with Lori because she was better with managing the smaller space and Lori wanted to keep an eye on Lisa a bit more. Something about the China World Peace Foundation or something..."

Lincoln did the rough mental math in his head for all this.

As far as he could tell in her world he was in Lori and Leni's room. Originally Lori, Leni, and Luna had Luna and Luan's room, Luan and Lynn had Lynn and Lucy's room, the twins were probably still together so Lucy and Lisa shared a room and Lily had his closet, but now it was Leni, Luna, and Lynn, Luan and Lucy, the twins, and Lori and Lisa near Lily and his closet.

That only had one possible outcome.

"How bad of a fight did that cause?"

Leni looked at him like he had just spoken his Leni speech in French (not that he was speaking Leni-talk at the moment).

"Fight?"

"You can't change anything around here without it causing some sort of blowback. You should have seen what suggesting a chore swap led to." Of course as tended to happen when someone (usually him but not always him. Lisa calculated it was just him 83.56% of the time) suggested something change in the Loud House about a week or two later everyone realized they had a point. The chores had been re-balanced and no shade was sent his way for it afterwards, even for the sisters who ended up getting harder chores.

"I mean I guess Luan was a bit sad that Lynn left, but I don't think I'd call it a blowback..."

Though apparently Lily having her own room somehow magically made that not happen, or something. Though come to think of it they did agree to return their rooms to normal that one time...

They poked their heads into the other rooms to finish the little tour. Leni made a few odd hums and huhs at a few things in them, but otherwise didn't say much. She had been in deep thought since the comment about blowback.

The only room they entered after his was Lisa's, who was standing in front of the universe transporter, a note pad in hand being scribbled on as she, for lack of a better word, channel surfed it,

As he and Leni approached, he caught a few things she had written down. Among them were reversed genders, rabbits, German, Placoderm origin for amphibians, extant Siberian _Megalonyx,_ and domesticated _Macrauchenia_. He wasn't sure what the last three were supposed to be.

Several images were visible on the shimmering light of the portal: The Olympic Rings with 'Jaca 2014' next to them, a Hockey Team he recognized from time with Lynn as being the Buffalo team skating around with the Stanley Cup as the Texan team looked on forlornly, and a civil war looking general in grey being led to a noose by a group of blue clad soldiers, plus many Lincoln didn't recognize or catch quickly enough.

"I take it you want to go home?" Lisa's statement was barely a question, and much more a statement.

"I have things to think about." Leni said in a tone of reflection.

"Give me a moment." Lisa declared as she began scrolling back the transporter, akin to a manual T.V channel change. While she was occupied with that Lincoln turned to Leni, and held out a hand.

She stared at it in confusion.

"I'd hug you, but not sure that's really appropriate here. It was nice to meet you Leni."

A light clicked in her eyes, as if registering what he wanted to do. She stretched her hand out and shook his, awkwardly as if the idea of doing something like that with him was strange.

"Found it."

The handshake ended as Lisa stepped to the side, revealing a room that resembled Lisa's, but with the baby toys of Lily missing and replaced with dressers and a few Lori apparatuses, and a few things that felt in tune to them but he didn't recognize Lori owning.

"Well, see you."

Leni nodded to his goodbye as she walked towards the portal, though she stopped and turned first.

"Lincoln."

He looked her way as she had a smile on her face, though a sad one. He wasn't sure why though.

"You're a good boy." and with that she stepped through the portal, which turned off moments after she left.

"I must say, I wasn't expecting these data points today, but now that I have them I think I can make them work. Thank you for your assistance Lincoln, though your face appears troubled." Lisa observed, a small but noticeable change in tone at the end of it.

"...Why did she feel the need to call me a good boy?"

"Because you aren't a delinquent." Lisa stated simply as she looked over her notes with a look that suggested a all nighter of joyous cataloging was in store for her.

He'd have to text Lori to pick up coffee for their sakes.

...

The moment Leni stepped back home, a taller figure was waiting for her, eyes wide with a combination of relief and 'we are going to talk now missy'.

She had seen a photo in Lincoln's home, and to some extent they looked similar. They had the same earrings and shorts.

But after you got passed that there were differences between her Lori and the one in the world she had just left. Her Lori didn't wear eyeshadow, had a white tang top instead of blue, wore sneakers and socks instead of slip-ons, and black leggings.

Based on where she had seen the cell phone charger she suspected that the other Lori was more attached to the thing than hers, but that was just an observation.

"Where. Have. You Been. I've literally been looking for you for hours!" Lori questioned, in a tone that made Leni wonder what just her sister thought had happened to her.

One accident with getting Lisa's teleporter working properly and Lori was always worried she'd end up in Chicago again.

"Like, let me tell you. It was weird. I just got this working and I managed to go to another world. It was so weird: the us there had trophies and no triple rooms and the Lincoln was actually nice."

Lori looked at her like she just told her the sky was green, the ocean white, and that Vanzilla's check engine light turned off.

"No seriously, what was this alternate universe you found yourself in like?"

* * *

Additional Alternate Timelines mentioned include, and exist with this fic for possible later uses include.

Linka Loud and her 10 Brothers. Robbie Andrew has a rough time in this world, and may only survive because of Bebe. Linka's best friend Claudia has two moms and their old crotchety neighbor is Ms. Grouse. Retained genders include Rita Loud, Lynn Senior Lould, Albert Loud/Pop Pop, and Mrs. Johnson.

The world where the Louds are rabbits. Lincoln's counterpart is named Warren, and his 26 sisters include counterparts to Lucy, Lisa, Lynn, Luna, and Lori named Blacky, Brainy, Bandy, Beat, and Bouncy. Among counterparts to his other sisters include sisters interested in other topics including a Gamer Chick, a Anime Chick, a Comic Chick, a Gardener, and a sister with thievery impulses. This world operates of cartoon physics more extensively.

The German Loud House Dub, as it currently exists. Other than the language spoken, it is exactly the same.

A world where the fish who evolved into Amphibians to colonize the earth were the bony fished, such as Dunkleosteus. Life is drastically different with notable evolutionary alterations to the history of Mammals, Birds, Reptiles, and Amphibians. Arthropods and plants less effected but still alien.

A world in which Giant Ground Sloths expanded even farther, crossing into Asia and managing to escape extinction and exist in modern times in the Russian Far East. Tigers are thus bigger and Russians have them as a secondary symbol to the bear. The Japanese also have a dwarf variant that factors into their mythology, with a Sloth being the basis of this world's 5-Tails/Gobi in Naruto. They are considered candidates for South and North American Pleistocene re-wilding projects.

A world in which Macrauchenia did not go extinct and was domesticated by American Natives as minor draft and major meat animals. As a result a major civilization on part with the Inca and Maya emerged in the Pampas region of South America and the Americas were more advanced before the arrival of Europeans. This did not save them from the Spanish in the end, but their cultures are held in higher esteem by the modern layman. Macrauchenia remain extant and as major B-List farming species, though the wild variant is a protected species.

A world in which Jaca in Spain hosted the 2014 Olympics instead of Sochi. Unlike Sochi the games went off with little if any hitches and the city manages to integrate and use the left over infrastructure in a satisfactory manner akin to Vancouver or London.

A world in which the Sabers defeated the Stars and won the cup. Brett Hull's goal was ruled out. They still struggled in later seasons, but northern New Yorkers gain a symbol of pride. Dallas hockey profits down 13%.

A world in which Confederate Leaders were executed for treason after the war and the soldiers and supports disenfranchised. Deconfederation was successful like Denazification, as a result the Lost Cause never taking root. Civil rights proceeded slowly but gradually, as opposed to the rapid surge it experienced in our world. Benedict Arnold is no longer known as America's greatest traitor, with the title going collectively to the Confederate soldiers. The Louds of this world would be utterly baffled at the lack of deconfederazition in the other universes.

The world that Leni came from is a semi-Parallel Universe. While immensely similar to the regular universe, one aspect of everyone in this universe changed, and once factored in together the changes spiral out into a larger alternate take on things. The Leni of this universe, before any additional factors were added, is a Ditzy Genius. As smart as both her and the regular Lisa, she's capable of building anything. However she does not have the ability to technobabble. She can make a universe transporter and fix another, but she couldn't tell you how she did so or how it works. Her Lisa is generally responsible for filling out the patent work and converting the Leni speech to technical jargon. The Lisa, Lori, and Lincoln are similarly possessing one trait specifically different from the get go from their canon selves, and differ further due to the interactions of all factors.


	2. The Loud response to Bullying

One thing I've noticed that the fandom does a lot of is taking a hard look at certain episode themes. Here's my take on the tendency.

Warning: the following take lacks betrayal, squirrel suits, and april fools induced hysteria and madness. If you want that, go read another series of Loud House oneshots.

Or full one stories, but I digress. Let's have fun.

* * *

"You know Lori, I've been here for over a decade. I've gotten to know you quite well, and your siblings as well."

The wizened features of the vice principal bore into her as the teenager stared back at him steely. A face marred not only by annoyance, but also exasperation.

"You end up in my office far too often, even when you are no longer my student. Care to tell me why?"

Normally at this point Lori would be texting her friends and Bobby, but that would be problematic. So, despite the jokes that her siblings told, she put her phone away and did not respond to it beyond a 'will be busy' group text to all concerned parties.

Insert the joke about the end times here. Luan would have material for weeks. They were there to see her do so after all: as the designated driver she had vanzilla loaded up with all the High and Middle school Louds to go pick up the elementary aged ones.

"12 times. In 10 years you've been in my office 12 times for this very same behavior. I'd say that's a record, but Lynn was here 14 times for the same reason. Luan 5 times, Luna twice, even Leni once. I'd count the time Lucy was here, but the head injury was caused by startling and not fists so I left it off her record."

"You know I literally did not hit that kid, right?" Lori pointed out.

"You were clearly going to."

True, but the V.P dragged her in here before she could. Not that the bat didn't have it coming.

"And what else was I supposed to do. Let them get away with dumping a bottle of hand sanitzer literally on Lucy's head?" Which was currently being washed out in the bathroom by Leni.

Lincoln had offered to do it, but girls bathroom.

The V.P sighed as the reason that Louds kept ending up in his office came up. A reason of 'should I just have let _ happen to my little sister/Lincoln'. He'd give the response he always gave.

"It is not your job to discipline other students. It's the faculties job."

"I've read the rulebook." Lori icily pointed out.

It was an endless saga. Royal Woods had a weak anti-bullying code, meaning that the teachers were not obligated to do anything about bullying. They could just turn the other cheek, as was the nature of teachers.

They didn't have the benevolent force of lawsuits and disciplinary action to get their butts in gear.

"You all say that." The Vice Principal noted.

Because she had to look it up when Leni was being bullied. Then again when Luna was being bulled. And Luan.

Lynn was an exception because she didn't end up depressed but responded with force. She got shown that part when she got in more trouble than the kid who yanked her ponytail in viewing range of a substitute teacher.

Etc.

"I know exactly is in the rulebook. There is literally a lot more in there about anti-gambling than anti-bullying policy."

5 pages specifically to the 1 page bullying got.

The Vice Principal looked bothered by that point, as always did. He wasn't the one who wrote the rules and probably disagreed with them.

But the superintendent or the principals or something of the matter meant he couldn't do anything about it. Hence why they kept ending up here.

"It doesn't give you the right to throw your weight around. Christ you are nearly graduated and you threatened a elementary student."

"And said 'elementary student' and her friends were literally a foot taller than my 8 year old sister and looking like they'd would do a lot worse."

The Vice Principal looked ready to change the subject. Perhaps he knew he couldn't win a fight about what confrontation was more unjust.

Or maybe he had a new 'sure-fire way to make the Louds see reason and toe the line'. Something silly like that.

"You know, I've been told that Lucy has had problems like this before and I never see your brother resort to such undignified responses. Why can't you be more like him?"

Oh yes, Lincoln. That was a fun one.

After Lynn had proved mostly self sufficient than her elder sisters in dealing with the twerps in her school she had assumed Lincoln would be similar. After all Lincoln was generally able to match Lynn's athletic drive and was a boy. Boys were supposedly tougher.

She had apparently forgotten just how many of the problems her sisters had to deal with were from guys, or the fact that Lincoln had a tendency to be more like a girl in some areas due to exposure to them.

Which apparently attracted jerks just as often as it did occasionally make Lincoln have a desire to go reassert his masculinity.

Last time that happened he suddenly thought going into the woods was the way to do it, which apparently ended up involving a Moose and flooding. They may have to get him to stop that before he did something really stupid one of these days.

However Lincoln attempting to mimic them in how they deal with bullying issues on his younger sisters had never went as well. Mostly because of how even she noticed that Mom and Dad tended to get on his case for slapping a pen out of a bully's hand who was bothering Lucy than if one of their sisters did so.

As such he tended to resort to more subtle means. Either by the ages old method of the brother standing imposingly over the twerp, or if that failed/an older bully came around pointed out what sport the kid was involved in (as they always seemed to be) and pointed it out to Lynn.

Lynn then showing up at said sport and humiliating him or her, generally after making it quite clear her name was Lynn Loud. It also never ended with disciplinary issues.

"Well the 'don't hit girls' moral doesn't apply to me like it does him, nor do any of us have the patience to handle it subtly." She really didn't.

"Are you really going into the 'society is the problem' argument?"

"It keeps creating people who harass my siblings for," And she held up a finger for each point she came up with.

"Being dumb. Having braces. Having a large nose. Having large ears. Being girly..."

The Vice Principal let out a long, exasperated sigh.

"Am I going to have to hear that same point until all of you Louds are done breeding and going through my school. You have that baby now, am I going to have to be telling the twins in three years that someone taking her blocks does not require violence?"

Probably.

20 more minutes of banter and a phone call to the high school left her down a school dance and up a detention span, but Lori couldn't care less.

If no one else was going to handle the problem, it was her job as an older sibling to do so.

It was a point the siblings agreed on, and as such the punishments would not filter on down to the parents.

Siblings were good for that. All of them.

* * *

This oneshot was based on the Heavy Meddle episode and how the sisters were quite quick to jump on the 'bully Lincoln and be pummeled' mindset.

Now that alone is fine, but I was thinking about two things myself.

One, do they apply the same anti-bullying rage on those who get on their other siblings case.

And two, a application of the Reality Ensues onto their general reaction.

Specifically the fact that they get in trouble for it, but also the idea that there isn't really any other way of dealing with bullying in the Royal Woods system but being aggressive about it.

I mean think of some of the things Lincoln has dealt with. The Royal Woods do not seem to have a sufficient way to catch bullying, even when one gets to a point of it happening in classrooms.

Also as to why I specifically had Lincoln be less prone to violent response: because that was the case in Heavy Meddle and the fact that double standards probably exist in this world as in real life. Plus Lincoln's one of the few siblings really capable of pulling off multi step plans alongside Luan, Lola, and Lisa.

You know, that part of Luan is never really covered is it? The part that lets her set up multi step pranking plans. It's always about the pranks and never about all the set up time to the pranks.

And as to why this didn't continue the first oneshot? Well...frankly if I continue this series, and that plot line in particular I will need more bits like this.

And now, because I prefer my chapters to be at least 2000 words in length...

* * *

"Really, how can you still play all those kiddie games Lincoln?"

The topic of video games had sprung up at lunch, and Lincoln was already missing Clyde's company, but family emergencies and all.

"Kidde games?" Lincoln questioned, putting his 3DS away.

"Yeah I mean Pokemon, Muscle Fish, Mario..."

"I actually don't own Mario on here." Lincoln held up the device for emphasis.

The Mario games he had were to be found on the consoles. Loud House Mario Kart was a entertaining jaunt, though it had a bad tendency to end with someone getting a pillow in their face.

Oddly enough usually not his face. Mostly because he was not the most annoying gloater or sorest loser in the family.

To say nothing of what happened when Smash Brothers was played. Whoever made the game support eight players had both his upmost respect and yet was responsible for the 8th and 23th greatest display of inter-sibling chaos yet recorded in their home.

"...Whatever. Why don't I ever hear about you playing a real game, like Call of Duty or G.T.A?"

This was of course ignoring their M.M.O playing.

Lincoln answered Rusty's point with the typical response.

"I have sisters."

"That's your answer ta everything." Liam complained.

"Well it's the reason. I usually end up being taken shopping for games by Lori or Leni, and they aren't going to buy those games for me."

"Then just do it on ya own."

"Yeah, and how long would I have before someone walks in or overhears it?" Really that was probably the biggest reason Lori and Leni gave for not buying games like that. It would be very easy for the younger sisters to see it, and that would be problematic.

They already had to work on not swearing around Lily, and him playing G.T.A would not improve things.

They also did not need to give Lola any ideas.

"So what, you never going grow up then?" Rusty questioned.

"Honestly from what I've heard from Lori, I'm apparently ahead of the curve. Apparently everyone becomes giant fans of 'kiddie' games in College."

The concept seemed to bewidler his friends, and so freed Lincoln up to finish his sandwich.

* * *

Now, until I can finetune how I write and format these things, see you next time.

(That's another thing I'm going to have to tackle. The thinness of the Loud House walls.)


	3. Found a Way

Still trying to find a formula to do the non-Alt Sister oneshots in a good manner. I apologize, but those take time and I find that it is good to have some filler between the major stuff.

Plus if I am going to cover alternate universe I should do some work on what the standard, original universe has to offer.

Hopefully I can find the right balance, sort of like the way I changed the title of this up a bit. Not sure if anyone noticed.

Or perhaps I should just do another one.

* * *

As a younger sibling with older siblings who had their own distinct period of media history apart from his own, Lincoln was exposed to a lot of things that were before his time as a active consumer and thinking human being.

With 5 older sisters who were never against showing him things they enjoyed when they were his age or younger, or against taking him along as a companion/reason for the parents to give them food money where a single sibling would not justify to do or see or find things tied to those interests, Lincoln was familiar with shows and entertainment going back basically a decade from the present day and beyond.

He supposed one day he'd be doing that with his younger sisters, though at the moment it seemed like only Lily would be susceptible to it, or maybe Lana. Lucy was too close to his age to be affected, Lola would do unspeakable things to him, and Lisa would recite a math equation in her head to escape into the fifth dimension to avoid it.

This didn't mean he didn't appreciate more modern material that his sisters would dismiss from nostalgia blindness, nor that the things he saw from the past every time a DVD collection popped up on a store shelf. His comics alone showed him eras even before that, with Ace Savvy having originated during the 70's and Muscle Fish during the 90's.

Things were weird in those eras. Muscle Fish took a while to mellow out and become the character Lincoln recognized in the present and all his early issues were littered with pouches and shoulder pads and had constant crossovers with characters like AngstMachine (The machine that could only feel pain!) that seemed out of place. Also the artwork for people looked like something Lisa would do to them in his worst mad scientist nightmares.

That wasn't even getting into the really old stuff: his earlier joke about Lisa thinking up a math portal to the fifth dimension to escape him originated from one of those really old comics. A major one at that, surprisingly enough.

He wasn't sure what was the harder to sell: telling Clyde that the pouches and strange artwork were actual things that were both officially made and popular once upon a time, or telling himself that AngstMachine was still around and had ongoing series made about twice a decade.

Apparently when AngstMachine stopped trying to be serious and acted more like a character from Vampires of Melancholia he became a beloved character, especially with straight men. Given comics though, Lincoln would not be surprised if he ever walked into the comic store one day and found a AngstMachine x Vampires of Melancholia crossover.

Seeing as the company that made Ace Savvy, Muscle Fish, and AngstMachine also had a lot of licensed properties (including Princess Pony of all things), such a thing was not impossible, and stranger things had crossed over.

But comics aside, and just as Lincoln was about to enjoy a trade paperback of classic Ace Savvy (Volume 4)...

"O.M.G girls! You would not believe what I found at the mall today! A complete collection!"

It would appear he would be dragged into the nostalgic muses of his sisters today. Hopefully it was going to be like the last time and be a show sadly cut before its time...

"A complete collection! I can't bloody believe it! All four seasons! Does it have the movies too?"

Or not. He did finish his homework, right?

"It does, it does! All of them!"

Lincoln only assured himself that his homewrok was done before Luan burst into his room, a wide smile on her face.

Different from her 'my pranks are set' smile, but still somehow unsettling.

"Come on Lincoln, it's time for you to be educated!"

Lincoln offered only enough resistance to remind her that he had free will.

He had three older sisters to his left, and two to his right.

Not that such an arrangement left him an opening: one of the two was Lynn.

So, it looked like he'd be in for the long haul.

"You are going to literally love this Lincoln. This is what Nickelodeon is constantly chasing and always failing miserably to catch when they make new shows."

"Spongebob?"

"No, the other thing." Lori gave him a look of mock annoyance at the obvious joke, trying not to reach for the popcorn bowls already in place, as the show they were so eager to make him watch began to play.

 _"It's gonna take some time, to realize"_

 _"But if you look inside, I'm sure you'll find"_

 _"Over your shoulder you know that I told you"_

 _"I'll always be pickin' you up when your down"_

 _"So just turn around"_

 _..._

"A show about two stepbrothers and a step sister getting into hi-jinks?"

"Uh-huh." Lynn noted.

"That seems kind of...I guess mundane is the best word that comes to mind."

"Give it time bro give it time."

...

As time tended to do when interacting with his sisters in ways that were not painful the memory of the blurring hours became a tad unstuck.

Things came to him out of order in later recollections.

...

"Didn't Oprah get cancelled?"

"Er...sort of. Yes and no..."

...

"A Gamesphere? Is that a joke on the Gamecube? I know the show is old, but the Gamecube?"

"Probably."

"You know...that's actually a clever joke."

"Linky, have you ever noticed your head is spherical?"

"...Yes, every morning. My shirts have to get over my spherical head after all"

...

"You know, I've seen this grill joke before. I can't put my finger on it."

"I wouldn't put a finger on a grill. That would burn you."

"It's a joke about those George Foreman grills you always see the ads for. They've literally been doing it forever."

"Or at least since 1994!" Luan rhymed.

...

"Are Yoyo's still banned around here, or did that get undone?"

"They were banned for eternity in this house and they will literally stay that way."

One day Lincoln would get an answer for the Loud House Yoyo exclusion.

...

"I swear that Steve guy looks familiar. Did he appear in something else?"

"You see actors everywhere. It's their job to be seen and are at their best when they do their job so well you don't see the actor but the part. They are the opposite of a good prank."

Luan was oddly zen today, or at least for this moment.

...

"Do I ever act like that?"

At the question following a scheme of Megan the sisters looked at each other for a moment before giving an answer.

"Whenever you make my life worse I never got the feeling you were doing it for your amusement." Lori gave the most accurate response.

Lincoln was happy to be reassured of his lack of sadism.

...

"Do phones actually cause ear cancer?"

"Hope not dude: I'd hate for Lori to ever not be able to hear me."

"Yeah, making me lose my hearing is your job, not phone cancer's."

...

"Truther? I swear I've heard that one before."

"The internet has the ability to revive things from the dead in ways Lucy can only dream of."

Not that it stopped Lucy from trying.

...

"Did Josh Peck lose weight? I swear Josh is getting thinner, and it doesn't seem like a fatsuit or something"

"More than Mom and Dad did, and with less grubs."

"Sorry about that."

"Dude, we were kind of harsh about it. Yeah you suggested we should get them to exercise more, but you couldn't have imagined they would go so overboard about it." A spur of the moment thing, a accidental horror that no sane mind could have predicted.

...

"Is Drake getting dumber with each episode, or is it just me?"

"Yeah, that happens sometimes."

...

"You know, it's actually kind of weird. I'm seeing a lot of things I really don't like in Lola's shows, but somehow they aren't annoying me. They feel..."

"Like they actually work?"

"Yeah."

"This is literally the peak Lincoln. The network's been trying to recreate the success ever since, and they can never get close. This show wrote a rulebook, and only this show managed to make it work perfectly."

...

"Yikes. I can't believe anyone ever thought Megan was likeable."

Lincoln's statement rang true.

"I mean, she's like some horrible fusion of all the worst parts of Lola, Lisa, and Luan rolled into a horrifying villain that always wins."

"Hey!"

"He said worst parts Luan." Luna reminded her.

"But she doesn't have buck teeth."

No one corrected Luan as to what was actually being referenced as 'the worst parts of her'. Though minus her teeth the prankster did have a

"Now that you mention it..."

"I always thought she was literally just a smarter Lola, but now that you mention it..."

"Lisa doesn't have something that could fuse people together, right?"

The silence that followed carried them through an entire episode

...

Eventually the marathon was over, and Lincoln was willing to agree with the sisters.

Drake and Josh as a funny show, and pretty good too. He could see why they liked it.

"See Lincoln, was that so bad?" Luan teased.

"No, not at all. Certainly better when Dad made us watch his favorite movie."

The six eldest siblings shivered at the reminder.

"What is Airplane even about anyway?" Luna repeated the question that haunted the six plus Lucy and Lisa to this day.

...

 _"It's gonna take some time, to realize"_

 _"But if you look inside, I'm sure you'll find"_

 _"Over your shoulder you know that I told you"_

 _"I'll always be pickin' you up when your down"_

 _"So just turn around"_

 _"Ooh Ooh"_

* * *

Just to be clear, I am aware that The Loudest Yard and Health Kicked kind of conflict with each other the same way Patrick Star's comments about having a sister do. I decided to simply choose one and handle the other later if ever, and I chose the one that seems more likely to me.

Or perhaps the one that contradicted things less, given that Lincoln having physical fitness issues seems odd given a number of factors.

And before one asks, I do have reasons for the Drake and Josh themed chapter. Eventually they will become relevant. Until then you can just consider it a bit themed after the idea of sibling showing media from their youth to their younger siblings.

Airplane is weird and nonsensical. Somehow it got a sequel.


End file.
